Challenge: Month of Love

 

One of the articles in this month’s Colorado Parent magazine is a 7 Day Challenge to Show Show your Child More Love. It offers 7 ideas for for showing your child just a little extra love. For example, one day you’re supposed to do one of your child’s chores for her. Just because you love her. Another day, you’re supposed to focus on responding immediately to his requests for your attention, as opposed to, say, shouting “just a minute I’m trying to finish this blog post!”

I love this! I feel like so much of the parenting advice I come across is focused on controlling children rather than on recognizing them as actual little people that we are living in relationship with. I love to see articles that say, you know what, it’s okay to be a softy sometimes. It’s okay to bend the rules or do something nice for your kid without trying to teach them any other lesson than “I think you’re an amazing human being, I’m glad you’re in my life, and I love you!”

So I thought it would be fun, for the month of February, to take a minute each day to think about an extra little way to show our children we love them that day. If you “Like” Razzbelly on Facebook, I’ll offer an idea there each day. And I’d love to have you share your own ideas and how you executed your love challenge for the day.

So who’s in?

Listening to Your Heart

Photo Credit: xurde via photo pin cc

Yesterday, in order to make the arduous monthly chore of bill paying less, well, arduous, I was listening to a lovely podcast fromThe Sociable Homeschooler. If you homeschool, you should check it out. She’s very soothing and encouraging and I love her accent.

Anyhow, she was interviewing Hannah Keeley who, if you don’t already know, is this insanely awesome super mom who has her own “lifestyle” TV show, writes books, and home schools her 7 kids. She’s kind of who I want to be when I grow up.

Not surprisingly, Hannah said something that really caught my attention. She was talking about the day she woke up as a parent and started to ask herself, “What am I supposed to do?” Not, “what is the culture around me telling me to do?” but “what am I supposed to do?”

In Hannah’s ah-ha moment, the answer was “love your baby to sleep” as opposed to “leave her in her crib to cry it out.”

The way she phrased this question made me stop to think. I’m so often overly concerned with the “right” way to do something. As I learn and grow as a parent and a person, more and more I’m finding that there is no “right” way. How could there be? There are 7 billion people on the planet and each one of us unique.

You are not supposed to do what I am supposed to do. And though I joke that I want to be Hannah Keeley when I grow up, I am not supposed to do what Hannah Keeley is supposed to do.

Each of us has unique mission and purpose in life. Each of has unique gifts, talents, weaknesses and strengths. Each of us is living in community with other individuals to make up unique families with unique joys and trials.

It’s so true that we need to keep our eyes on our own work. My children were given to me for a reason. And I was given to them.  If I worry too much about what everyone else is doing, and about what others might think I should be doing, I will miss what it is I am supposed to do.

Photo Credit: xurde via photo pin cc

Toddler Tool Belt

I had a great time last weekend with the parents at the Toddler Tool Belt class. A big thank you to Amy at Giggling Green Beanfor making her amazing store available for classes. There is some seriously cool stuff in there. And next time, I’m going to have to save time to have lunch at the Comfort Cafe a couple of doors down. What a neat concept for a restaurant!

If you missed the class last weekend, you’ve got another chance to catch it on Saturday, February 18 at 1pm. You can register here.

Curious about what to expect? Well, let me tell you a little about it!

I spend a lot of time in the class going over a toddler’s emotional and cognitive development. For example, we discuss why toddlers are so. . . persistent? You know the old saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?” From that point of view, toddlers are certainly insane.

Except, it doesn’t really apply to toddlers. Because even though the first eleventy million times they tried it they fell down, they kept standing back up and trying to put one foot in front of the other. And one day, they walked!

That drive that urges them to try again and again despite failure allows them to do crazy things like stand up and walk across a room. It also allows them to make parents crazy when they go for the light socket for the eleventy millionth time. But, just like every time they try to take a step they get a reaction from you, every time they go for that light socket they get a reaction from you. So they figure they must be on to something!

This is one of the many toddler motivations we cover in the class.

Once we look at the emotional and cognitive forces driving toddler behavior, I give you a formula for evaluating some of the more trying behaviors your toddler may present you with. It’s a method that takes into account your needs and desires as well as your toddler’s needs and desires and then tries to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs.

The class is not about controlling your child. It’s also not about letting your child control you. It’s about finding a balance that recognizes each member of the family as an individual worthy of respect and dignity while honoring the developmental realities of your toddler.

It’s also a great opportunity to chat with other amazing parents about life with a toddler. So come join the fun!

Born to Cook

Henry has declared that he was born to cook. Today he decided to bake a cake. He didn’t ask for permission, he just went for it while unsupervised. Ryan “caught” him as he finished the batter and prepared to bake it. So Ryan helped him pour it in a pan and bake it.

The mess wasn’t that bad. And he did help me clean it up.

The cake came out surprisingly well. And was pretty tasty, if not terribly sweet.

Because I’m always looking for an opportunity to get him to write, 
I asked him to write down the recipe.

I guess he’s been paying attention when I bake!

Greeks and Zombies

My kids have been up to some interesting stuff. Really interesting stuff. Like self designed experiments in which they come to the conclusion that the only way to kill a zombie is to crush his brain. Here is Henry with his cup of zombie brains.

Helen’s experiment was about rotten eggs. Apparently if you leave eggs out for weeks they become really stinky.

Henry has also developed a deep interest in Ancient Greece. I believe it was sparked by our new routine of picking up Little Caesar’s Pizza after his enrichment program on Tuesdays. He really likes the costumes of the period.

Here he is as “A Greek.”

Here he is as a Greek sculptor working on a “huge statue.” That’s an olive leaf wreath on his head. He designed it himself.

Here is his “Acropolis”

Here are the Olympians wrestling. The women have been kicked out since they weren’t allowed to watch the original games. But he did later decide those rules were stupid and let them join in.

I don’t have any pictures of him dressed as Zeus hurling lightning bolts at Athens.

It’s occurred to me while watching Henry do this self-directed unit study that “self-directed” really, truly, is the key to learning this sort of stuff. I never told him to build an acropolis out of blocks. I never suggested he might use his tinker toys as lightning bolts or to create Poseidon’s trident.

I remember being asked to do such things in school in an effort to make the learning “meaningful” and “hands on.” But it wasn’t “meaningful” because I usually didn’t care too much about what we were learning about. Which sucks because now, I wish I’d learned more. I don’t wish that I’d “paid more attention in school,” I wish that I’d retained more. I think Henry will retain a lot more about Ancient Greece than I ever did simply because he’s learning about it at a point when he asked to learn about it. And he’s learning it in a way that is truly meaningful for him because he’s designing the learning tasks. Another kid might want to do detailed drawings of an acropolis or write stories about the gods. I love that my kids have the freedom to learn in ways that work for them.

Celtic Harvest Festival

We decided to head out for a little family fun today. I highly recommend the Edgewater Celtic Harvest Festival to those in the area with small kids. It was really, really low key and fun. And the only thing we paid for was $1/person for the sword play.

This kid was mean. I had to intervene and tell him to stop jabbing Henry in the crotch. 
Not sure where his parents were!
My leprechaun!

Watching hurling. Or some other Irish ball and stick sport. I told you it was a chill festival.
Kids playing bagpipes and drums. Very cool.

Cutest baby ever.

So we were watching a puppet show which, honestly, I was a little bored with. In another area they had started up a little Irish weapon demo and I suggested Henry might prefer to watch that. I should have known better. He was way into the puppet show. Here he is, balloon sword drawn, ready to face the evil Nick-a-Brick. He moved behind his daddy before a bit of protection before drawing his sword.

They had a lovely little arts and crafts area where Helen enjoyed painting 
blarney stones and popsicle sticks.

Here’s part of the weapon demonstration. We were able to catch the end of it.
Henry and Ryan are currently in the back yard running at each other with swords and shouting “huzzah!” We’ll definitely be going back next year!

Happy Birthday, Mary!

Today the Church celebrates the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Last year we made a cake for Mary, and Helen still talks about it. So this year we threw a birthday party with some friends.

The kids wanted to make a red cake and decorate it with roses. Our roses were inspired by Lacy’s awesomeness over at Catholic Icing. I’m not sure how Lacy got hers to look so cute. But the kids had fun making them anyway.

We decorated the dining room with our various Marian icons and statues, and had our friends bring their own to add.
Henry spent much of the morning running around involved in sword play, and in an effort to tie his play to the feast day, I told him about the Seven Sorrows of Mary and showed him this picture:
Helen then decorated the picture and hung it on the wall as part of our decorations. And Henry created his own drawing to add. That’s Jesus in the middle on top and Mary on his right and Joseph on his left.
Then he added his own depiction of the Trinity:
How cute is this little guy? He looooooves Mary!
Notice the gorgeous statues of Our Lady of Guadalupe and Our Lady of Le Leche. 
I didn’t get any pictures of the primary party games. The girls played house and the boys were engaged in light saber fights in the back yard. What? Don’t you have light saber fights at your Marian feast celebrations? 
Happy Birthday, Mary!! 

Learning to Write: Zone of Proximal Development Part 2

In my last post I explained a bit about what the ZPD and scaffolding are and what scaffolding looks like when “teaching” babies how to roll over. In this post, I’ll provide a couple of examples of scaffolding the writing process.

I’d like to start by pointing out that writing is not a single skill, but rather a number of skills that come together into a finished product. In order to write, say, a thank you note that you would like your friend to read, you must 1) conceive of the idea of writing the note, 2) choose the words you need to express your gratitude, 3) decide which letters are in the words you want to write, 4) form the letters on the page, 5) plan ahead so you don’t run out of room and 6) put the words in order. I’m sure I could think of more skills involved, but we’ll leave it at that.
So that’s at least 6 things your child is doing if he’s trying to write something on a piece of paper. It’s a big task.

The first trick to scaffolding is identifying when your child is on the verge of moving up the skill ladder and determining what kind of support he needs to make that step. The next trick to scaffolding is recognizing when your child needs to just hang out and get comfortable on the rung he’s on before trying to make the next step.

For example, my son has recently learned to write. If you check the list above, he’s pretty good at steps 1 through 4. Steps 5 and 6 are still a struggle for him. Frequently throughout our day he will bring me something he has written and ask me to read it. He still writes pretty big. He hasn’t developed the fine motor skills he needs to neatly form tiny letters on the page. So he can fit two, maybe three words neatly on a page before he runs out of room. At this point, he just starts putting the letters for the words anywhere they might fit on the page. The result is something like this:

Which is fine if you have some context (that’s a drawing of Abraham Lincoln), and there’s only one word climbing up the page. But when the message is longer, it becomes a huge mess:

I have no idea what those say, though I do spot the word “the” in the second picture.

One day, feeling a bit frustrated, I told him that you have to write from top to bottom and left to right or people can’t read it and it doesn’t make sense. I wanted to show him. I wanted to have him rewrite what he’d written. He wanted to punch me in the nose.

I really should have kept my mouth shut in that situation. I wasn’t scaffolding, I was pushing. He’s not ready to move to the next step. He’s still getting comfortable with steps 1 through 4. The effect of my “help” was to make him feel incompetent and angry. I shut down all learning opportunities at that moment and replaced them with a flood of frustrated tears.

So there’s a great example of what not to do. But every once in a while my instincts are better.

My little girl is also learning to write. She’s not really “writing” as defined in the 6 step process above; she’s pretty much just forming letters on the page. Her fine motor skills are more mature than her brother’s and she is able to form letters quite small and neatly. She doesn’t know all of her letters, but she is very interested in writing her name and has picked up that “H” is the first letter of her name.

Helen had been writing “her name” for several weeks. Here’s an example:

Note that I am aware that you do not spell “Helen” HOI. But I hadn’t said anything to her about it. She’d tells me she’d written her name and I’d say, “wonderful!”

She kept practicing and made the following progression:

Note that she is practicing. She’s doing the same thing over and over. Not because I told her to. Not because she has a worksheet to complete. She’s doing it because writing her name is important to her right now. Also note that up to this point, I hadn’t given her any instruction on writing her name. We’d talked about how Henry and Helen both start with H. We’d pointed out H’s. Everything else she’d picked up just from living our daily lives.

Then one day she was no longer satisfied with the progress she was making on her own. We were at the library and while I was showing Henry how to find books using the computer, Helen requested her own scrap of paper and teeny golf pencil from the basket by the computer. She then pouted, “I don’t know how to write my name.” I asked, “Do you want me to show you?” She nodded. So I wrote her name on the piece of paper and she copied it. She has been practicing her name, again without prompting, for several days now and it now looks like this:

So in this case, the scaffolding I provided was a model for her to copy. Note that it still isn’t quite right. But it’s a lot closer than HOI. The letters aren’t in the right order, the “L” is backwards, and there’s no “N” at all (probably because she doesn’t feel up for tackling that diagonal line), but the model I gave her bumped her up to a new level of competence. My job now is to stand back and let her get comfortable at this level until she’s ready for my help to move up the next rung of the ladder.

How will I know she’s ready? More than likely it will be because she asks me. If I felt I just couldn’t hold back, I could ask her if she wants to learn to draw an “N.” Because I know she’s capable of tracing small letters on a page, I could print a handwriting worksheet for her and show her how to do it. But if I did that, I would be careful to present in a pretty nonchalant way. “Hey Helen! I put a worksheet on your writing table that shows you how to write the letter ‘N.'” And leave it at that. If she asked for help with it I would help her. If she ignored it, I wouldn’t bring it up again. I’d just leave it there.

The essence of scaffolding is waiting until a child is super ready to take the next step and offering just enough assistance to get him there. It’s holding a child’s hand as she jumps across a little stream. As opposed to pushing her across a river in a canoe. Either way she’ll reach the other side, but if she makes the leap herself, the experience will be much more rewarding.

When to Push, When to Hold Back: An Introduction to Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development Theory

Recently in my homeschool circles, there has been much discussion of when it might be appropriate to push/encourage/nudge our children. How can we discern whether a little encouragement or guidance from us will help them jump to the next level of competence, or push them over the edge of frustration?

Lev Vygotsky, the great educational theorist, posited that there exists what he called the Zone of Proximal Development, or ZPD in the educational jargon. Vygotsky believed that the ZPD is where the greatest learning occurrs. The ZPD is that area of competence just beyond a person’s current level of achievement – a level that one can reach with just a bit of the right help. He called this help “scaffolding.”

Scaffolding is something we all do more or less naturally with babies. Imagine playing on the floor with a baby who is lying on his back and rolling to his side. He’s just about to roll over. He’s almost got it. He just needs a liiiitle encouragement. You hold out a favorite toy just beyond his reach. He reeeeaches for the toy and – woop!- he rolls over. Yay! You’ve just scaffolded rolling over for the baby.

Now notice, if that baby was not yet reaching for toys, or was not yet capable of getting most of the way over on his own, or wasn’t interested in rolling or reaching at that moment, your efforts would have been fruitless.


Parents naturally scaffold new walkers. photo credit: sean dreilinger via photo pin cc/caption]

Again, this comes naturally for most of us when we’re working with babies. But it is much less intuitive when we’re working with older children. With older children who have more or less mastered the art of walking and talking, we tend to push a little harder. If a 5 year old can’t write his name, we may feel compelled to put a pen in his hand and use our hand over his hand to walk him through the steps. This isn’t scaffolding. I’m not sure what I would call it, but it isn’t scaffolding.

Our tendency to want to push to this extent comes in large part from a system of schooling that has tricked us into thinking that all kids need to learn the same skills at the same time and at the same rate in order to be at “grade level.” If a 5 year old can’t write his name, he is “behind” and we must push him to “catch up.”

Nah. The problem with this kind of pushing is that it makes learning harder than it has to be. I could start coaching a baby on rolling over from the day he comes home from the hospital, but he’s probably not going to roll over any sooner than if I’d just waited until he was ready. But in the mean time, I may make him think that this rolling over business is a lot of stupid hard work that he’s not really interested in doing.

Okay. So what does scaffolding look like beyond the babyhood? A big question that keeps popping up in my circles, and one I’ve written about before, is teaching writing. I’m not sure why we’re so preoccupied with writing, but it seems that we are. So in my next post I will look at what scaffolding looks like when teaching a kid to write.

Dreaming of Timelines

One of the biggest “gaps” in my own education is in my understanding of history. It was never presented to me in a way that I could wrap my brain around. I still struggle with seeing the big picture. So I’ve become obsessed with creating a big picture of history. Literally. I want to make a wall timeline.

At first I envisioned something like this:

Isn’t that cool? I’ve been racking my brain for where in the world to put something like this in my house. I even found a lovely free printable timeline at a fellow homeschooler’s site, GuestHollow.com. Just the A.D. part of it is 70 pages. I did the math. I would need about 50 linear feet of wall space. I don’t have that.

The Guest Hollow timeline is meant to be put in a notebook. It’s awesome for that. Notebook timelines are great, but my brain needs to see the big picture. The whole picture. All at once.

So then I came across this:

It goes up one side for the years before Christ, and then comes back down the other side for the years Anno Domini. The one pictured above came from this squidoo page. It’s published by Konos and comes with the printed pictures.

This is perfect. This gives the big picture. Of course, I’m not willing to shell out the cash for the premade timeline. And I’m not terribly interested in what someone else thinks I should put on the timeline. So I’m going to make my own. Other people have done it.

Here’s one from Kindred Blessings.

Here’s one from Homeschool in the Woods:

Here’s a pretty amazing one from Peace Creek on the Prairie.

And a really neat one from Higher Up and Further In.

And here’s a really great how to with specifics for spacing and such.

Lots of ideas. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how we’ll do ours.

But I do know where we’ll put it. The only wall in the house that can accommodate such a monstrosity is in our dining room. The wall has been blank for the two years since we moved into the house because I’ve been waiting to discover the perfect display for it. I was thinking of a brightly colored still life. A giant cluttered timeline wasn’t really what I had in mind.

Which brings me to a whole new issue. When you put one of these bad boys in your home you are declaring, loud and proud, we are homeschooling geeks. Our house is for living and learning. It will never ever be featured in Better Homes and Gardens. I’m okay with that. Mostly. I can almost guarantee that through the years this timeline will provide much more fodder for dinner conversation than a depiction of flowers in a vase. No matter how lovely those flowers might be. But a fairly large part of me longs for a tastefully decorated house.

But, I think I’m willing to sacrifice that for what I think a timeline like this can do for our family. Living with this timeline will give my children the opportunity to document what they learn through the years. It will help them revisit what they’ve learned each time they add to the timeline, and see how things all fit together. They’ll be able to see that while the United States was busy fighting the Civil War, Franz Shubert was premiering a new symphony.

They’ll be able to see how the Saints and the history of the Church fit into the rest of world history. Their knowledge of history will build on itself and will be constantly reviewed so that they will really know history. It’s something I’ve always wanted for myself. So this ugly timeline will be a gift to me and to my children.

I’ll post pictures when I get it up.

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