Comfort Nursing

Elizabeth Pantley shared the following quote today on her Facebook page.

 “No one could give her such soothing and sensible consolation as this little three-month-old creature when he lay at her breast and she felt the movement of his lips and the snuffling of his tiny nose.” ~Leo Tolstoy

It resonated with me because it took me back to a time when holding and nursing my little one was the greatest comfort I could find in a devastatingly difficult time.

My little Helen was 10 months old when my 16 year old brother died by suicide. Needless to say this turned my entire world upside down. And through that first, most difficult week between Jared’s death and his funeral, I was so blessed to have the constant warmth and snuggles of such a sweet little girl. I clung to her and nursed her through those first hours as we met with the detectives. I held her close that night as I cried rather than slept and she nursed sweetly through the night. I wore her close in the sling, my back aching, through the viewing. Her presence provided comfort not only for me, but for many others. But for me, she was my life line.

Her constant presence and constant need for my milk, far from being a burden in that difficult time, gave me a reason to get through it. When all of the activity died down and everyone went home, and I left my parents home to return to “normal life,” it was my children that helped me get out of bed each day. Both of my children needed me, but for my little Helen I was irreplaceable. No one else could give her the milk she wanted and needed. And it was such an easy need to fill. I just had to sit or lay down and snuggle a bundle of joy.

More of The Glorious Flight

As promised, here are some of Henry’s pictures from his experiments with perspective:

From the ground, looking up.

Sideways

Extreme close up

Self Portrait

He also decided to get creative all on his own today with flight based arts and crafts. For those of you who happen to know him, you know that this is extremely out of character. We created an art gallery to show daddy when he got home.

Here’s a self portrait of him watching an orange glider and a purple helicopter fly through the sky. He signed his name in blue.

This one is of a spaceship blasting around the earth.

I love this three dimensional airplane he created with scissors glue and tape. Completely on his own. The piece on the bottom keeps the airplane flying straight.

Finally, this picture has nothing to do with The Glorious Flight or flying, but it sparked a funny story.

I was pointing out to him how the colors and subject matter of his family portrait are similar to those of Michelangelo’s Holy Family (which was hanging in the hallway nearby). See the similarities? (Play along with me here. . .)

I went on to tell him that Michelangelo is a famous painter who has made many beautiful paintings and is one of my personal favorite artists. Henry responded with, “I think I may be an even better painter than he is!”
Nothing wrong with that boy’s self esteem.

“Rowing”

We have officially started our Five in a Row (FIAR) curriculum this week with the book The Glorious Flight by Alice and Martin Provensen.

For those unfamiliar with FIAR, it is a storybook/unit based curriculum designed for use with 4 to 8 year olds. You read each book every day for five days and each day do a subject related lesson. For example, on Mondays you might do social studies, Tuesdays art, etc. The suggested lessons are simple and sweet, and the potential for expanding the curriculum is limitless.

So as I said, we started with The Glorious Flight. This is the story of Louis Bleriot, an early French aviator who designed, built, and flew his own planes.  After 8 years, 11 planes, and many mishaps, Bleriot became the first pilot to cross the English Channel from France to England in a glorious (and dangerous!) 37 minute flight.

The first time we read this story, neither Henry nor I were terribly thrilled by it. I thought it would be like pulling teeth to get him to sit through it even one more time. Today we read it for the third time, and something amazing has happened. We’ve been able to see and appreciate the richness of the story, language, and art of the book. Now, those who have been “rowing” for awhile will silently chuckle I’m sure. For that is the point of FIAR – delving deeply into one book to truly mine its riches.

We have come to love the unflappable Papa Bleriot and his family, and we have found much to treasure in this beautiful book.

Here are some of the things we’ve done and learned with this book. I’ll try to break it out by subject.

Math and Science
We’ve spent a lot of time flying different kinds of paper airplanes, discussing which ones go the furthest and why. We’ve seen what shapes make better flyers, which glide best, which go the fastest, etc. These experiments led to a discussion of angles as I instructed Henry to launch a plane at a 45 degree angle and he asked what an angle is. So we got out paper and pencil, learned what an angle is, how a triangle has three angles, a square has four, etc. We learned about right angles, 180 degree angles, and 45 degree angles. Not too bad for not having a math curriculum!

We will supplement the science with The Way Things Work video on flight. As soon as I can get it from the library.

History and Social Studies
In addition to Louis Bleriot, we’ve learned about the Wright Brothers, Ruth Law, and Lt. Gail Halvorsen a.k.a. the Chocolate Pilot. We still have books to read about Amelia Earhart, Charles Lindbergh and some other early pilots.

Through these books we’ve learned some geography. Henry now knows where France and England are on the map and that they are separated by the English Channel.  He’s learned that people in France speak French. He knows where to find Chicago and New York City on the map and that Chicago and NYC are cities in the states of Illinois and New York.

We’ve learned lessons of perseverance and the importance of making reparations. We’ve learned how much can be learned from making mistakes.

Language
One of the most “schooly” things I do with Henry is our “word of the day.” This is simply a word, chosen from the book and usually a verb, that I write on our chalk board. The first time I did this I was amazed at how much he learned from this simple lesson. I never say a word about it. I wait for him to notice it. He’ll either sound it out or ask me to read it for him. Then he’ll point out what he notices about it. This week we’ve discussed the “silent e” that makes the “i” say it’s name in the word glide. We reviewed the rule “when two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking” with sail. And we learned that “y” is sometimes a vowel with the word fly.

We learned about onomatopia and will review the concept with tomorrow’s word of the day, CRASH!

My favorite language activity involved using the Lord Alfred Tennyson Poem, The Eagle. Henry loves it and I hope we’ll both have it memorized by the end of the week. Here’s the excerpt.

He clasps the crag with crooked hands; 
Close to the sun in lonely lands, 
Ringed with the azure world, he stands. 
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls; 
He watches from his mountain walls, 
And like a thunderbolt he falls. 
I looked for a good read aloud poem at the Institute for Excellence in Writing. I was simply looking for something that somehow related to flight in some way. I chose this poem before I had even read The Glorious Flight. So I was thrilled when I came across this passage in the book describing the first flight of Bleriot II:

“Like a great swan, the beautiful glider rises into the air . . .  . . . and shoots down into the river with a splash that frightens the fishes.” 

We discussed how the images were similar and different and compared the language used by each author.

Art
One of the lessons suggested in FIAR is a discussion on perspective. We talked about how some of the pictures are drawn looking up into the sky and others are drawn looking from the sky down on the village and people. I then gave Henry a camera and let him take some pictures from different perspectives. I’ll get those up ASAP. Henry’s favorite perspective was the “extreme close up!”
Religion
We haven’t gotten to this lesson this week (though the discussion reparations would certainly fall here too). I looked up the patron saint of pilots and discovered St. Joseph of Cupertino, a.k.a. the Flying Friar.  We have The Reluctant Saint coming from Netflix so we can learn more about this fascinating man of God during family movie night. I’m hoping the story will be compelling enough that Henry will ignore the fact that it’s in black and white. Otherwise, Ryan and I will watch it together and share the story with the kids afterward.
Overall, I have been pleasantly surprised by how much this curriculum has had to offer us – especially since it wasn’t a book I was really looking forward to! Next week we’ll “row” How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World. I’m expecting that one to be even more fun!

One of my favorite children’s illustrators

We’ve been reading a lot of books around here lately, and Helen has discovered a love for Nadine Bernard Westcott.

I first discovered Westcott when Henry was about Helens’ age. I checked out Hello, Snow! from the library and absolutely fell in love with the joyful rhyme by Hope Vestergaard. With passages like “Hello, sock./ Good bye, toe./ Hold on, piggies –/ In you go!” this book captures the thrill of a young child playing in the snow. And Westcott’s playful illustrations add immeasurably to the fun.

Westcott has also done her own series of books, Sing Along Stories, in which she takes a classic children’s rhyme (Mary Had a Little Lamb, Yankee Doodle, Miss Mary Mack, etc.), expands it and illustrates it. Her illustrations are so full of life and movement and provide for endless conversations and enjoyment with young children.  My current favorite, and Helen’s, is Skip to My Lou. In Westcott’s take on the traditional tale, not only are the flies in the sugar bowl, but the cats have made a mess of the buttermilk, and the cows are in the kitchen making pancakes which the pigs are eating in the parlor. The entire farm is in chaos until the farmer and his wife are due to return in 15 minutes! 

Westcott is a genius and I thank her for the treasure she’s given me to share with my children.

(Oh, and as a bonus, the simple text set to music is a great way to develop early reading skills!)

Fall is in the Air!!!

Fall is absolutely, hands down, my favorite time of year. The infernal heat of summer transferring its intensity to the blazing leaves of the trees. Harvest festivals,  apple cider, farm field trips, pumpkin carving, cool mountain hikes, Halloween, Thanksgiving.  
One of my favorite fall events is the perfect trifecta that is All Hallowed’s Eve, All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day. My son thinks there’s nothing better than a holiday that allows him to hack into pumpkins, dress up in a scary costume, and stay up late to wander the neighborhoods collecting an enormous bag of candy

After all of that excitement, our family spends the next day in the cozier activity of baking bread. Pan de Muerto to be exact.  There’s just something about baking bread. And baking bread in the shape of a skull is, apparently, kid nirvana. For me, I’ve found bread baking to be the perfect way to commemorate a holy day which, in our culture at least, is not widely celebrated. It’s an all day activity, and each time we go back to the dough, my mind is brought back to the importance of the day.  It’s become one of my favorite fall traditions.  

Pan de Muerto 2009

Finding Our Way

So tomorrow ends our first official week of homeschooling. While nothing has really changed, this has been a big emotional shift for me, and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I’ve learned some important lessons about my son and about myself and about what is best for our family.
First, I’ve learned that boxed curriculum is not best for our family. Not even one component of a boxed curriculum such as the “Sing, Spell, Read and Write” program. It’s just not a good fit for H1. We’ll use parts of it – the music and maybe some of the games. But I don’t think we’re going to go through the lessons. It just doesn’t feel “authentic,” and he’s learning so much from life, that I’m going to let it go.

What this week has really been is a lesson in trusting myself. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype and feel like I’m supposed to do this or that – have a curriculum, teach him phonics, have a strict school time every day, etc., etc. I have to keep reminding myself why we’ve chosen to homeschool and what I know about how kids learn. I believe in embedded learning opportunities and teachable moments. I believe in the world as a classroom. I believe it is okay if a kid isn’t reading at age 5.
I also believe my kid is incredibly bright and I need to let go of the need to prove it by having him be able to read. Not all bright kids are early readers. In fact, many of them read much later than their peers. And so what? H1’s intelligence is not about me. My job is to be the best teacher I can for him.
But I am not really an unschooler at heart, either. I personally need some structure and accountability or I will basically ignore my kids all day unless they’re giving me no other choice. And that doesn’t feel good either. I want to enjoy my children. I want to live life with them. That’s one of the major reasons we want to homeschool. So I need something. Something to guide our interactions together.

I was talking with a fellow homeschooling mom today and she mentioned she was doing Five in a Row. This is a story book based curriculum. You read the same story for five days in a row and each day it provides an activity from a different subject area. I’ve looked into the curriculum before and it seems lovely. It feels warm. It feels real. It feels low pressure. I had dismissed it as too simple, but really, isn’t there beauty in simplicity? It feels better to have a spring board into other activities and interests than to feel locked into a boring curriculum that is frustrating and really just a way to pass the time.

It’s hard for me to explain, because it’s mostly just a feeling I have, but when I imagine days spent learning with my children, the images that make me smile are curling up on the couch with a book, or reading in the grass outside, or wandering through the wilderness together marveling at nature. Going through workbooks, playing phonics games, sitting at a table doing drill of any kind just doesn’t evoke warm fuzzies from me. I know it does for some people. I know some people are really turned on by a fresh workbook. And honestly, if I was teaching a different kid, I might be too. But I know that I cannot homeschool if every day is going to be a fight. If learning is going to be a fight, I’d rather my kid go fight with someone else and save the warm fuzzies for me.

So, at least for now, while they’re still so young, I’m scrapping the formal lessons in favor of some fun and trusting that the learning will continue to come as it has. I will keep listening for God’s whisperings in my heart as I raise the children he has entrusted to my care, and I will try to remember to ask for the graces of matrimony that are promised to us as we raise these children.

Back to Home School

Well, not back exactly. Depending on how you look at it, we’re either just beginning or we’re just continuing on the same path we’ve been on. But a few things have changed.

This week, all across America, H1’s age mates are heading off to kindergarten. So, I guess we’ve “officially” begun our homeschool journey. I’ve created a daily and weekly schedule for the family. It includes some “kid school” time among many of the activities we already participate in.

Our daily routine includes a trip to a local park. Today the park was full of other kindergarteners burning off steam after their first day of school. Which is how I came to have what I am sure is only the beginning of a long line of annoying conversations. It went like this:

Nice dad in the park: So how old is your son?
Me: He’s 5.
NDIP: So he’s in kindergarten?
Me: Yep
NDIP: So is my daughter. She goes to [local highly rated elementary school]. Where does your son go?
Me: We homeschool.
NDIP: Oh. Do you do that on your own or as part of a group?

At this point I explain the once a week homeschool enrichment program that H1 attends.

NDIP: Oh. We thought about homeschooling, but we wanted her to be around kids her own age.
Me, inwardly rolling my eyes: Well, that’s one of the nice things about this program.

Now, I could have said any number of things: “Really? Why?” or “Hmmm. We don’t really want our son to have friends.” or “I plan to intentionally keep my kid from all kids his age. In fact, crap! We should leave the park right now as this place is crawling with kindergardeners.”

Now, I don’t believe this man had any malicious intent or realized that what he said could have been offensive. Now that I’ve had time to process it, I think the main problem here is that the topic of homeschooling is a small talk killer. Though homeschooling is becoming more and more common, it still one of those things that people don’t quite know how to respond to. But really, at least in the context of meeting a stranger in the park, it’s not that big a deal. It’s just what we do. And it’s not a commentary on your family and the choices you’ve made. I don’t care. Really. I fully believe that each family has the right and the capability to make good decisions for itself. You don’t have to defend your choices to me.

Also, schooling is so prevalaent and so mainstream that, when it comes to school-age kids, we don’t know what else to talk about. So maybe I need to come up with a way to quickly redirect the conversation to a non-school, “how’s-the-weather” sort of topic. Maybe, “do you live in the neighborhood? Isn’t it great to be so near such a beautiful park?”

As for the rest of our day, I think it went pretty well. School around here is pretty loose. I’ve only scheduled in 2 or 3 short lessons a day. We have dedicated time for Reading, Math and Spanish. Everything else is well covered by our daily living. For example, while we have no “science time,” in the past week we’ve learned how to identify a swallow, discovered volcanic rock in our back yard, learned all about how sound waves travel through the air and into our ear where they vibrate the ear drum and the cochlea turns them into electrical impulses which the brain interprets as sound. And more. Really, when it comes to science, I’m learning more from him than I’m teaching him!

Our very first intro to kid school was today’s phonics lesson. He resisted, but once we got started he enjoyed it and it was quick and painless. He then insisted on listening to the phonics song over and over and over and over again. After kid school we headed out to the museum of nature and science. While H2 napped we did a Spanish lesson. Again, he resisted, but didn’t want to stop once we started. He seems to be wary of anything that may have expectations of him attached to it. So, for now, kid school is optional to him. I’m going to do the lesson no matter what, and he can choose whether to participate. So far that strategy has worked well with him.

Tomorrow he’ll go to his first full-day of his enrichment program. I’ll admit I’m nervous. Orientation was less than wonderful for us. Hopefully he’ll hang in there a bit better tomorrow. We shall see.

Two Great Science Series for Kids

H1 is very interested in science these days. Some of his favorite topics include human anatomy, sea life, and, oddly enough, sound. We’ve discovered a couple of really great series of kids’ science videos, and I thought I’d share them here.

Popular Mechanics for Kids
This series really makes science fun and exciting. There’s a lot of gross out science and amazing animal features. We’ve learned all about aquariums, sewers and water reclamation, garbage and landfills, killer animals . . . all kinds of exciting stuff! This is one that I enjoy watching with the kids because I learn something too. It even holds the attention of my 2-year-old.

The Way Things Work
This series is based on the classic book by David Macaulay and focuses primarily on physics. Islanders and mammoths on the mythical “Mammoth Island” seek to solve everyday problems and teach the principles of physics along the way. H1 will watch these 2-3 times in a row. I couldn’t find the videos on Amazon, but we’ve been getting them from the library. They’re short – about 13 minutes – and they cover topics such as light, sound, electricity, heat, pressure, etc. Designed to be used in 3-6 grade classrooms, each DVD comes with a teacher’s guide that provides a summary, a glossary, pre-viewing discussion questions, follow-up questions and activities, suggested internet resources and suggested print resources. Grab one of these and you can have a complete physics unit. Very cool.

We’ve checked out lots of videos form the library, but these have been the favorites so far. I’m sure there many other great resources out ht

Whatever is pure . . .

We’ve recently had some run-ins with superheroes at our house. It seemed harmless enough at first, but it has started to cause problems with behavior. Spiderman recently swung from his web (i.e. the shower curtain) and ended up in the ER with 4 staples in his head. That was clearly a problem, but the greater problem, really, has been the physical aggression and the level of disrespect and the mood swings that seem to have escalated since we’ve invited these wonder men into our home. But it was the ER visit that made me start really thinking about it.

Yesterday, at H1’s request, we got a copy of some Batman cartoons from the library. I watched one with him, and truly it was horrible. Very dark, very violent. But H1 loves the excitement. I spent a lot of time yesterday pondering the role of this sort of entertainment in the life our family. I asked God to speak to me about it. It came to me that this is just the beginning of our job as parents in determining what forms of entertainment are appropriate for our children, and we have to learn how to discern what is good and right for our family. Would we let our son surf porn online just because “everyone’s doing it?”

Still, taking something a child loves away from him is never easy as a parent. At least it’s not for me. I dread conflict. I dread tantrums. It’s a weakness of mine as a parent and an area I know God is asking me to grow in.

As nap time approached today (when H1 watches TV while H2 naps), I was dreading the meltdown that would come when I informed H1 that there would be no Batman today. I thought. I prayed. I fretted. Then I remembered the following passage:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

I decided to read it to H1. I asked God to guide me. I prayed to H1’s guardian angel. When he asked me to put on Batman, I asked him to first sit on the couch with me and read something from the Bible. I told them that they were words written by Paul, who used to be Saul. (Saul’s conversion story made a huge impact on him and he’s always remembered it.)

I read it to him and then I summarized it again for him, telling him that God wants us to spend our time with things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and excellent. I told him that I’d been thinking about the TV shows we’ve been watching and I don’t think that Batman fits into this category. I waited for the protest. He was quiet for a moment and then he said, “It’s not true, but it is honorable.” I said, “Well, beating people up isn’t honorable and Batman does a lot of beating people up.” He was quiet again for a second and then he picked up a copy of Popular Mechanics for Kids and said, “How about we watch this instead?”

I wanted to weep! I told him I was very proud of him for choosing a more suitable program and he is now happily watching something I feel very good about.

I never cease to be amazed by these miracles. I wish I could remember that when we seek to do the Lord’s will and ask for His help, He will make the seemingly impossible not only possible, but easy.

Thanks be to God.

Thoughts on Community Service

Random, unorganized, half-formed thoughts on community service.

I was recently exposed to an educational philosophy that has me very excited about my decision to homeschool (more on that later). One of the key tenets of this philosophy is that the primary curriculum of a child’s early years (birth to about age 8) is simply (ha!) learning good from bad, right from wrong, and true from false. These are the impressionable years where you have the opportunity to fully indoctrinate your child into your family’s values. 

Of course, this has me thinking about our family’s values. I am, once again, renewing my efforts at (weekly) daily Mass attendance. I believe that I have found a nice, nearby Mass at a time that almost works for my family (it’s the 8:15 am Mass at St. James for those who may be interested).

I am also, once again, interested in finding some sort of service opportunity to participate in with my children. And this is where I begin sharing my rambling, half-baked, stream-of-consciousness with you.

It occurred to me as I was searching for an opportunity that something as simple as baking cookies for the elderly couple across the street would be a great way to serve with my kids. It also seems the best formalized service available to me with small kids is visiting seniors in nursing homes. I cannot imagine anything I’d less like to do. It seems so awkward. Does anyone who’s done this have any insights on how to do it well?  


I’d like to start modeling service to the community for my kids, but . . . This is hard for me to articulate. I don’t want to create an “other” mindset. Does that make sense? I want my children to value serving everyone – not just those who are officially “at risk” “in need” or “less fortunate.” I want them to serve their father, mother, sister, brother, neighbor, friend. I don’t necessarily think that serving at a soup kitchen has instrinsically more value than sharing toys with your sibling. Does that make sense? I think in many ways it’s easier to spend an evening feeling good about yourself serving soup to the homeless than it is to be nice to the people in your own home. I’m not saying that volunteering in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter or a food bank is a bad thing. Not at all. These are very, very important things to do and opportunities I have considered. I just want to make sure that I don’t give my kids the idea that spending time with a senior at a senior home is somehow better than spending time with their own grandparents.

And yet, even as I write that I think, “is it really not?” I mean, their grandparents have lots of friends. The old guy at the nursing home may not have anyone who comes to see him. Their grandparents are healthy and vital, nursing home residents generally can’t get out and seek their own adventures.


The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us that “the family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor (2208).”

The Bible tells us that “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world (James 1:27).”

We are also told “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8) and “If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need” (1 Timothy 5:16).

So it seems to me that, yes, we are called first and foremost to “take care of our own.” But this in no way diminishes our obligation to help our neighbor.

Okay. So again, random, jumbled thoughts! I’m not sure what I’m after here. Just thinking out loud I suppose. I welcome your own thoughts on the topic – even if they’re as incoherent as mine!

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