Month: September 2014

September 29, 2014 Encouragement, General, Our Homeschool, Parenting, Schedules and Routines 4 Comments

Our Homeschool Schedule: Lessons Learned

We’ve been using our homeschool schedule now for about six weeks, and I want to highlight some of the things I’ve learned from the experience. For the most part, it is working as I hoped – sometimes even better. Here are the tips I would share with anyone else trying to make a major change like this.

Take baby steps
One thing I’ve learned repeatedly is that if I try to change everything at once, I will fail. I will burn out, get discouraged, and give up. I took a good 4-6 weeks to plan this schedule, and another 4-6 weeks to implement it. When I began living the plan, I started with getting up early and going to Jazzercise 3 days a week. My next step was to start getting the kids up at 7:15. I then added the morning group school (what we call Morning Time). Once each piece became routine, I added a new piece. Because we were moving from an anything goes free-for-all to a day of expectations and requirements, I felt it was critical to go slowly. This helped me to feel successful instead of defeated.

Get up early
I know. Everyone says this. And it makes me groan too. I have been dragging my butt out of bed 3 mornings a week at 5:30 so I can get to Jazzercise by 6am. Hard, but so worth it. I love having that workout out of the way, and it wakes me up and gets me ready to face the troops when I get back home at 7:15. On Tuesday and Thursday, I’m up at 6 for some office/quiet time. I spend 5-20 minutes of this time praying, depending on the day. This is one of my favorite times of the day. It’s all about nourishing my mind, body, and soul so that I can take care of others with a full tank.

I’m glad I started the schedule implementation by working on my own wake time. It was quite an adjustment, but what those all those annoyingly chipper bloggers say about getting up before your family is true. It really does make the day run more smoothly. 

Go to bed early
I had been in the bad habit of staying up later and later each night because it was the only free time I had. The problem was, it was never really “free.” I was too damn tired from the day to do much of anything except maybe fold a load of laundry while staring blearily at a mild-amusing sitcom streaming on my Roku. Or I was taking care of a few last minute details for the next day. Or I was tucking naughty kids back into bed for the 457th time.

We’ve been getting the kids tucked in by 8 the last few days and it’s heavenly. I still have just enough energy to have a conversation with my husband, or read a little, or fold that laundry and enjoy a sitcom. And then I can go to bed at 9, be asleep by 9:30 and still get in 8 hours before my 5:30 Jazzercise alarm.

I will say that if you are a night owl and can truly use your night hours in a way that recharges you and still get up and face your family when you need to, then by all means ignore this. I will add though, my best friend, a consummate night owl, is the one who finally convinced me that getting up early is the way to go. She started doing it and talking about how great it is. This from the girl who  cursed at the morning radio show host when my clock radio alarm would go off at 8 o’clock when we were in the dorms together.

Discipline and consistency are key
To really make this work, I’ve seen that I absolutely must stick to the schedule every day. When the kids know that this is what’s happening at this time and there’s no getting out of it, they’re much more likely to get with the program. They have all tested me. Because I’ve given up and thrown in the towel on things like this so many times in the past, I think they’ve all expected this to be one more thing they could get out of if they made it unpleasant enough for me. After a few weeks, they’re all getting the message that this is the way we do things now, and there’s no since in fighting it. An incentive program for my oldest has been especially helpful. Also, consistent expectations for my three year old during school time.

One of the things I changed after realizing this is we now do our Morning Time routine at the kitchen table 3 mornings a week. I had planned to do school in the car on the way to my parent’s house once a week, but I found that doing at least an abbreviated version at home before we leave makes more sense.

Discipline applies to me as well. If I don’t get up early and do what I’m supposed to, the day doesn’t run as smoothly. If I don’t plan meals or start dinner on time, bed time is a mess. The more I follow the plan, the more smoothly things run and the more fun and free time I have.

Plan ahead and be prepared
I’m using several curriculum resources that spell out exactly what and when to do things, and so I thought I could get away with just doing the next thing each morning without any planning ahead. However, I have found that the day runs much more smoothly if I write out exactly what I want to cover each day and put it all in one place. I’ve resisted lesson plans for 4 years, but now find them necessary. Sometimes I want to do more or less of something than is assigned for that day. Sometimes I forget some small but critical piece (like handwriting). Making a written lesson plan helps me feel more in control and less scattered. It also keeps me from just blowing something off for the day.

 Screen time during school hours is a Bad Idea
At least in our family. Our original schedule had bits of screen time scattered throughout the day for each of the kids. I’ve done away with that. The new rule is that, unless it’s been specifically assigned for school, you may not use a screen before 4pm. I found that it was too easy for the kids to stretch the screen time – and for me to let them because it was easy for me. Then there would be fights about turning it off, and it made transitioning through our day too contentious. What was screen time for each kid is now free time. Once 4pm rolls around, they can pretty much glut themselves until about 6 when I ask them to do some chores before dinner.

For the most part, I’m super pleased with the way things are going, and I’m happy I stuck with the bumps that came with making a big change. I feel much better about the way we spend our days, and my kids seem happier too.

 

September 17, 2014 Education Theory, Our Homeschool, Parenting, The Joys of Boys Post a Comment

Using Incentives in Your Homeschool

Yesterday was an agonizing day. I had a certain amount of work I wanted my oldest to achieve. Grueling assignments such as writing 6 sentences and completing a 10 minute spelling lesson. Finishing 5 problems on Khan Academy. You know, things that clearly no reasonable person would ask a 4th grader to do.

There was drama. There were tears. There was eye rolling and yelling. There were threats. And there was googling of schools for kids with ADD.

And I found the school. And if we started eating ramen and selling our blood, we might be able to afford the school.

But I thought, if this school can do it, then it can be done. There are methods they use that I can learn too, right?

I know from my history with this child that he responds exceedingly well to incentives. He used to chew on his shirt. Constantly. I told him if he went three weeks without chewing on his shirt, he could have the Lego Movie video game for the XBox. He never chewed on his shirt again. It was infuriatingly simple. If it was that easy for him to stop, why didn’t he just stop before?

Smart But Scattered, a great book on how to help kids with executive functioning challenges, had taught me that working for incentives is actually an executive functioning strength that my son has. If the price is right, can do just about anything.

Here’s the thing. I HATE incentives. I feel like if you can do something, you should just do it because it’s the right thing to do. It seems to me, that if you can do something for an incentive, then you can do it, and you should do it without a reward.

But apparently, doing the right thing, or just getting it done, is not enough of an incentive for my son to leave behind the incredibly exciting world in his imagination to write 6 sentences about the lost colony of Roanoke. Because sitting in a chair all day really isn’t torture for him. His mind is a fascinating place to be, and it keeps him perfectly well entertained.

This morning he woke up asking what he could do to earn more money. He has finally developed an appreciation for all of the useless crap amazing treasures money can buy him. Like machetes with fake blood and nerf guns and large books from the thrift store that he can turn into secret hiding spots. This is great because when a kid wants money, a parent can generally get him to do things he might not otherwise do willingly.

I told him I’d think about it. I’m a bit of a miser, and I don’t want to just go handing money out like some kind of money fairy or something. I mean, it doesn’t grow on trees now, does it?

It wasn’t long before I’d asked him to do something and he gave me attitude about it. Inspiration. “Every time I have to ask you to do something more than once, you owe me a quarter.”

Ha! See? I’m making money this way, not handing it out.

Later, we were doing school work and he started whining “It’s too hard!” Boom. “Every time you whine about school work, you owe me a quarter.”

I ran down to the basement and grabbed a bag of poker chips and two paper cups. I wrote “Henry” on one of them and “Mom” on the other. I filled the “Henry” cup with 20 poker chips – each worth a quarter. I took two quarters for his earlier infractions.

Because I’ve been trained in such things I know that a strictly punitive system is not likely to be effective for long. So I started offering incentives. “If you write 4 sentences before I come back downstairs, I’ll give you a quarter.” Because I’m a mean mom, I am incapable of a strictly rewards based system. So along with the carrot I proffered a stick. “If you haven’t written at least 2, you owe me a quarter.”

I told him, “Each chip is a quarter. There are five dollars worth of chips in here. You can gain and lose them based on your behavior, and I will pay you on Sunday. Each Monday morning you’ll start out with 20 new chips.” And that, ladies and gentleman, is a glowing example of my stellar making-it-up-as-I-go-along parenting. 

But you know what? He finished everything I wanted him to do by noon. Yesterday, we didn’t finish until five o’clock. That’s right, I bought five hours of extra time with my system. Not bad for 5 bucks.

I will admit, though, that I’m still uncomfortable with the system. I have learned repeatedly that this sort of thing is super effective for my son, but I’ve also read enough Alfie Kohn to feel that this sort of “manipulation” is somehow damaging to my son or to our relationship.

And so I struggle between what I desperately want to believe philosophically, and what I see creates peace and harmony and a happy son in reality.

I’m curious. Have any of you have had success with using incentives in your homeschool? Did it create any unintended consequences that caused problems down the line?

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